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By Andy and Renie Bowman

“No Matter What” is the title of a popular song released in recent years. The lyrics talk about, “No matter whether we really try to please Him, or if we choose to throw a monstrous bomb into our life and the lives of those around us, He just loves us – no matter what.” 

Our God just loves us – no matter what. Even though He constantly watches us disappointing Him, over and over again. He has a bird’s eye view of any stealing, lying, cheating and everything else we choose to do. He sees us when we are angry and cold-hearted toward each other, and when we decide that our priorities are more important than anything or anyone else.

But that “no matter what” love doesn’t mean that Gpd winks at our bad behavior – letting us live any way we want with no consequences. He loves us too much for that. That’s when we end up on the receiving end of a well-chosen and perfectly fitted discipline because He loves us just like we are, waaayyyy too much to leave us just like we are. 

Ever put much brain power into trying to live like that in your own earthly relationships – loving without enabling.

Enabling is a trap for you and the one you love. It traps your victim into believing he can’t do things without your help, and it also traps you into always having to help him, every time he fails. That is a relationship-breaker, if I ever heard of one. Your decision to simply stop enabling would be the very beginning of a better relationship. 

Sure, it would probably be a rocky start. There would definitely be a lot of push-back. Your victim is used to you rescuing and criticizing. And honestly, so are you. And neither of you will easily give up what feels normal and safe. 

But just imagine if you were to decide, “From now on, I refuse to be used as a doormat for my little brother. He creates these problems by the way he lives, and then because I love him, I have to find a way to help clean up his mess. But I’ve had enough. Starting now, I’m going to always let him know that I love and accept him, but I will no longer be the one responsible for putting his life back together. He’s on his own – sink or swim.”

Do you realize the gift you would be giving him — a chance for him to learn to take responsibility for his own life. Remember, it’s not on you if he refuses to take on that responsibility; it lies squarely on his own shoulders. But if he does, it gives him the opportunity to start achieving for himself – and that’s called self-worth. That self-worth translates into self-confidence, and self-confidence is the main tool to begin accomplishing some goals in life and lowering your own stress levels.

The CoffeeTime Column is part of the Bowman’s ministry of preaching, writing, singing, and counseling. They also stay busy with public appearances and their radio program heard on The Gospel Station Network’s twenty stations. More information on them can be found at coffeetimewithandyandrenie.com. 

Sponsored by Premier Coatings, Montgomery, AL at (334) 288-3351. Podcasts available at Coffeetimecolumn.com. Send any responses to: andybowman839@gmail.com.